Love, Lies and Pride
by xo going nowhere
Summary: Their love, their lies, their lust, their pride, their mistakes, their reflections, their thoughts- there's only One Tree Hill. (haha, just had to toss that in there) Chapter Three's up! - Brooke's POV. R
1. Brooke

Hey guys! Well, this is my second fanfic, and it's really just Brooke's thoughts, set around after **_Don't Take Me for Granted. _**I'm actually not sure this is any good at all, but this song just really reminded me of Brooke while I was listening to it, so I thought "Why not?"… Review, please? Lol. This is probably going to be a one-shot… or maybe I'll add on with other characters' POVs? It's up to you guys!

DisclaimerYeah, I own absolutely nothing (other than the season one DVDs, which has probably inspired my sudden crying-spree. Oh, poor Brooke!) The song is Dashboard Confessional's "This Old Wound".

**Love, Lies and Pride**

_I've been bleeding well from this old wound_

_Cleaning it with salt so it will still feel new_

_And sometimes eyes turn black_

_And sometimes scars are tracks_

_But every time you're gone_

_I wish that you'd come back_

She loved pictures, because it was a saved moment in time. This picture was a saved moment where everything in her life was perfect, where she had an awesome best friend and a gorgeous "good guy" boyfriend. If she could live in that picture forever, she would be fine. If her fantasy was reality, she would be fine. If her boyfriend didn't cheat on her with her best friend, she would be fine. But now, as Brooke Davis sat in her bedroom with her newly downsized bed and half her possessions currently residing in other people's homes, she realized that she was far from fine. She wasn't fine when Lucas was with Peyton. She wasn't fine when Lucas was with Nikki, for all of five seconds, but still! She wasn't fine when he moved away, and now, she wasn't fine when Lucas was with Anna. She wasn't fine with the fact that she cared at all.

_And everyone watched me waste myself_

_And all of them found it comforting _

_It's better its me than them_

She remembered her "good old days". Get drunk, hook up, move on. It was so simple, but he made it complicated. And now Felix was trying to do the same thing to her. No one understood, no, it's not that simple. She couldn't just open up to the next hot guy she saw. She couldn't give her heart away when someone else still had it.

_I've been fanning flames from these old coals_

_Feeding them with tender and hoping they will grow_

_I've been savoring what I can't hold_

_A blind believe in goodness that doesn't seem to show _

She would work at it, because she deserved it. This relationship wasn't about Felix, it was about her. She would take what she could get from him, but it would never be enough. When he looked at her, Brooke didn't feel butterflies. When he touched her, she didn't feel love. But when they were together, she could feel nothing at all.

"And I'm tired of feeling _bad_! OK? I'd rather feel nothing. It's… better, it's easier."

Brooke hadn't even realized how honest she was being at the sleepover with her friends, but now the words echoed in her head.

_And I've been bleeding well from this old wound_

_Cleaning it with salt so it will still feel new_

"Brooke? Don't you wanna fall in love?" Haley had asked her.

Nobody else seemed to realize that she had already been in love. She had been in love, betrayed, lied to, and it nearly killed her. It wasn't an experience she was too anxious to repeat. That's why when she saw Lucas, her new "friend", she crushed the feelings inside her. She ignored the butterflies and the warmth. She pretended she wasn't overjoyed when she found out that he broke up with Anna. She pretended that she really wanted to be with Felix. She pretended that she wasn't in love with her ex-boyfriend. Sure, she could just take Lucas back, she could do it easily. But Brooke Davis had way more freakin pride than that.


	2. Lucas

Hey everybody! Well, here is another chapter of Love, Lies and Pride, and I want to thank you all **so much** for reviewing, they really made my day. It's because of you guys that I'm keeping this going! This chapter is going to be more focused on Lucas, but there's still a lot of Brooke/Lucas stuff going on here, because… I actually don't know why. Just bear with me here lol. I'm not sure that I did too good a job with Lucas, because I really don't understand him as well as I relate to Brooke. So I'm going to leave it up to you guys: should I alternate with the points of view, or make it a Brooke's thoughts fic? And if you want it to be an everybody story, then **please** say who you'd like to see things from next. Lol and without further ado, here is Lucas!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Nada, zilch, zip, bunch of other words that all mean NOTHING. Not Brooke or Lucas (sigh) or One Tree Hill or the Dashboard Confessional song "The End of the Anchor" which I use, or the Death Cab for Cutie song "Tiny Vessels", which has nothing to do with anything in this chapter.

_I was away for a while_

_But I'm hoping someday you'll forgive me_

_But I don't deserve it_

"You _know _there's a girl you've got feelings for." Nathan Scott said knowingly. Since when did he become Dear Abby?

"Nathan…" Lucas Scott began tiredly, trying to ward off this lecture from his brother. Nate and Luke had been close ever since right before Lucas went to Charleston with Keith, but at the moment, he was really regretting being back.

"Look me in the eye and tell me I'm wrong. You need to talk to her, Luke" And exactly when did Nathan become an expert on romance? Last time he checked, Lucas was pretty damn sure that Nate's **wife** had left him for a wimpy rocker with bad hair. However, anyone that possessed the teensiest ounce of common sense would know not to bring that one up, so Lucas just let Nathan walk away, his dramatic ending to an unnecessary speech. Lucas knew he should talk to her, but there were no words for it. What was he supposed to say? "Brooke, I know I devastated you and betrayed your trust by cheating on you with your best friend when I'm the first guy you'd ever opened up to, and now that you've finally got a real boyfriend again, I'd like to tell you that I'm in love with you." Yeah, that would be a fun conversation.

_I'll cherish it well if you give me_

_One of your new starts_

_Just one more last chance_

_I swear that I'll earn it_

_If you front me for now_

She asked him to help her with her campaign. He decided that had to mean something, because it meant something to him. Just the look of her face, the bright and triumphant smile when she understood something made it all worth it for him. But then the time came for him to go home, and it was time for the warm feeling to leave. He was going home, and she was going to her boyfriend. She would probably have an amazing time, and he would definitely think of her. He wanted right then to just grab her hand and ask for her to stay, but what right did he have to do that? None.

_In earlier days_

_They'd persecute people_

_They'd carry them off_

_And hobble their legs_

_For lesser offences_

_Than how I have harmed you_

_But still you allow me_

_To walk free of pain_

_Though I punish myself_

_I will never settle_

_The debts I've incurred_

_For scorning the face_

_Of absolute beauty_

_And measureless grace_

_And though I once mocked you_

_I'm dying to pay for it now._

It kind of killed him to keep things from her. Of course, he had learned that lesson the hard way, with the whole Peyton fiasco. Rolling his eyes at his past actions, he wondered: how did he expect Brooke to react? He knew that her reaction was angry and hurt, but is there another usual response to such betrayal? Does it even matter anymore? He gave the basketball he was holding another irritated bounce, wondering why he had to be cursed with a conscience. Dan already passed on one thing with the potential to kill him, wasn't that enough?

_I wasn't well for a while_

_I savor the things that I knew_

_Were sure to destroy me_

_And that seemed to hold me_

_That seemed to carry me where I couldn't go_

_On the strength of my own_

_But I should've known_

_That that gets me nowhere_

_I've learned that now I swear_

"Jeez! Uh… crazy girl, what are you _doing_ to my heart?" he asked her, before realizing that was the wrong word choice. Only he and Nathan, he grudgingly admitted knew exactly what effect Brooke had on him. He turned back to her, shutting the cupboard door after she had just scared the life out of him. He had been going through the cabinets to check exactly what kind of pills Deb had been popping that morning. Pain killers, of course, just as he'd thought. But now what did he _do_?

"Good thing you don't have that genetic defect!" she said cheerfully, positioning herself on the counter and giving him that smile that he'd always loved, even way back at the beginning of the season when he'd avoided her like the plague.

Oh Brookie, you've still got no idea…

_So hand me the rocks_

_To help weigh me down_

_And tether my legs with a cord tightly bound_

_To the end of an anchor_

_Thrown in to the sound_

_And test me to see_

_If I will rise against the worst that it can get_

_Well I wasn't sure that I could_

_But I can_


	3. Brooke

Thank you so much for your reviews guys! I'm taking all of your opinions into consideration when I'm writing. This chapter is a little bit more of a setup for the ones to come, and I'm sorry that there isn't that much dialogue or confrontation between the characters yet, but don't worry, it's coming!

Disclaimer: I own a really awesome pair of fuzzy slippers and a movie ticket stub for House of Wax. Other than that, nope, nothing's mine.

"No one wants advice—only corroboration."

That was a line from a book that she had never wanted to read, but she did, for a boy that she never wanted to love. Brooke Davis gazed deeply at the musty old copy of The Winter of Our Discontent by John Steinbeck, perched precariously on the edge of her bed. Well, her ex-boyfriend's bed… or maybe it was her ex-boyfriend's ex-bed, because this was her room now. It was sitting on the end for reasons unknown, but Brooke felt as if the book were symbolic of Lucas, watching her, as she sorted through the paper shreds that he had stored in his/her/their closet before he left for the racetrack with Nathan and his Uncle Cooper. She just wondered what Lucas would think…

Brooke couldn't explain it, but she got a tiny thrill whenever she sat down on that bed. Bevin had come in before and said that she had always fantasized about that room, only it was Lucas on the bed. Brooke then got a feeling that she tried desperately to ignore, but it warmed her up inside, knowing that she was the only girl that had been in Lucas's bed before. She knew she was definitely not the only girl he had ever slept with (Bar skank, anyone?) but she liked knowing that there had never been any other girls in the bed she currently slept in. Territorial? Yes she was, but only when it came to Lucas Scott.

'God, what's wrong with me? It's OVER.' She thought to herself, and was shocked at how painful she found that concept. Brooke Davis had recently begun to realize that it wasn't over, and for her and Lucas, it might never be over.

"I miss Nathan," Deb sighed.

"I miss Keith," Karen admitted.

"I miss Jake," was Peyton's submission.

"I don't really miss Felix at all… or my parents… I do miss my money though." Brooke had chimed in. However she did leave out one thing she missed, and he was blonde, around 6'2, had eyes that pierced her soul, and something she felt she could never again have…

Felix had come and gone, and honestly, she could care less. All the money and sex in the world couldn't have kept them together, because there was no love. Lately Brooke had been wondering when love had started to matter in her life, because before, she had only loved two people, and one of which was herself. The other was Peyton, the best friend she'd ever had, the one she would've given up anything for. But that all changed when Lucas Scott came into the picture…

She always felt naked in front of him. He saw right through her, and that scared her like nothing else. He saw her, and he had rejected her… sort of. Maybe it was more accurate to say he saw her, and saw her best friend, and liked her better. But now he was back, and she still felt the same, and he felt… he felt what, exactly? It was a question Brooke could never answer. Sometimes she felt his eyes linger on her, or that special smile cross his face when they were around each other. But maybe that was wishful thinking of her part…

She tried hard to remember the last time she had a dream that he wasn't part of. He haunted her thoughts. His voice echoed in her mind.

'This is wrong,' Brooke thought to herself suddenly, and hurriedly shoved all the scraps of paper into the bag. What would Lucas say if he walked in on her looking through all of this stuff? It was his private business, if he wanted her to know, he would've shared it with her. Somehow the thought that he had secrets perturbed her, but she realized that he would tell her in time. But she knew he wouldn't be so thrilled to see her going through his stuff, and so she crossed the room quickly and reached up to place the bag back in the closet.

Then Brooke Davis heard a voice, and she knew it wasn't her imagination. She felt eyes on her back, and knew it wasn't just wishful thinking. She felt the familiar butterflies, and a thrill of dread, and as she heard his voice echo through the smallish room, she noted dimly that this is the first time she ever wished that the boy she loved was, in fact, a figment of her imagination, and not in the very same room as her.

"Brooke?"


End file.
